corporationsarepeople:
“ dinosaurrainbowstarfish:
“ beachfox:
“ livebloggingmydescentintomadness:
“ ffermented-salmonella:
“ goddessolga:
“ since1938:
“My man Jesus
”
What story is that?
”
Matthew 18:9
”
“And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it...

corporationsarepeople:

dinosaurrainbowstarfish:

beachfox:

livebloggingmydescentintomadness:

ffermented-salmonella:

goddessolga:

since1938:

My man Jesus

What story is that?

Matthew 18:9

“And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away.”

“Jesus, how can I avoid sin when all these hussies keep revealing the fact that they have bodies?!”

“Hmmm, tough call bro. Have you tried gouging out your eyes so you don’t have to see all those bodies anymore?”

“wut”

“What?”

“Shouldn’t you tell them to… stop dressing like that or something?”

“Don’t see why. It’s not their fault that the fact that they have bodies makes you a fucking sinful horndog. Gotta fix that problem yourself, buddy. Go on, blind yourself.”

“Uh….”

“Or learn to keep it in your g’damn pants no matter what they’re wearing.”

He goes on for like several examples too.

“How can I avoid like, an accidental slip of the hand when…they’re dressin like that?”

“Cut it off.”

“wut”

“Cut it off. Your hand. If it’s a problem, stop having a hand.”

“wut”

“What”

“Did I fucking stutter?”

(via quiet-onset)

Notes
677736
Posted
4 years ago

capntony:

Iron Man (2008)    |    The Avengers (2012)

(via imhereforbvcky)

Notes
6979
Posted
4 years ago

just-shower-thoughts:

Bed is warm. Sh.wer is warm. Coffee is warm. Car seat is warm. In the winter your morning routine just becomes skittering from one heat source to another like a cockroach.

(via just-shower-thoughts)

Notes
6868
Posted
4 years ago

just-shower-thoughts:

Feeling a crunch in a non-crunchy food is one of the most terrifying experiences you can have while eating

(via just-shower-thoughts)

Notes
18931
Posted
4 years ago

just-shower-thoughts:

Being adult is having the “We have food at home” talk with yourself

(via just-shower-thoughts)

Notes
24066
Posted
4 years ago

tchaikovskaya:

maverick2095:

inqilabi:

All mothers I’ve ever known were effectively single mothers, even when they had a husband.

image

a LOT of women agree with this but men like….. universally object its hilarious

(via starryfictionalgirl)

Notes
155592
Posted
4 years ago

thesubcon10ent:

do you ever read a fanfic that’s just SO well written that you JUST

image

(via do-rey-me)

Notes
100712
Posted
4 years ago
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